I Think I Miss You

Hello, First of December!
What a gloomy weather today; just like it's always been for the past few days. *sigh*

Well, every time I'm gazing at an outcast sky, your image always come to my mind. But those memories never stayed so long, until today.

Then the flashback starts...

People say it's funny how a simple hello can change your life, and that's true. If I didn't respond to your 'not-directed-to-me' question with a reflex at that time, we wouldn't probably be friends. Truth is, you are the kind of guy that I don't want to get too close with. But then again, against all odds, we got very close. Do you remember those late night chats, the teasing, the flirts, and the secrets that we shared? Honestly, that was a new experience for me and I got a little bit confused about what kind of relationship that was. But,

"I guess you didn't care, and I guess I like that. And when I fell hard, you took a step back without me." 

I Knew You Were Trouble (CLICK THE PICTURE)

WAIT hold on! What the hell is this?
Do I really like you? Really?!
Or is it just a lust?
Or is it only the emptiness that I get because we suddenly stop talking? Because I'm out from the routine?
What if it's only the curiosity that I have because I feel like I've done something wrong. I always feel that way to everyone. So no big deal!

Whatever it is, I totally understand if you want to get away. Because you have your choice. Appreciate that. Always. But the one that I can't understand is the reason why. Why do we stop talking in the first place?? I really want to know the answers. I do. But I guess I'll never find out.

I did ask you once, but you said that everything was fine. Did you honestly expect me to believe that? Well, maybe I over act, but hey, I am a girl. That's fine. A girl may behave like this sometime. It's a shitty symptom and we all know it, but it's acceptable, you know? Likewise, I really don't think someone can change in a minute when there is nothing wrong. Just like you can't be so quiet out of the sudden, when we talked each day, hour, and minute.

"I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how. I've never heard silence quite this loud."

Story Of Us (CLICK THE PICTURE)

And sometimes I need to fight the urge to text you first. I feel like I'm disturbing you and unwanted. I once get as close as one step away to send my text to you, but I didn't do it even though I really want to. Everything has changed and I hate that! I don't want to say hello, and just risk another goodbye.

"...and I just want to tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you...And I hope you know that every time I don't, I almost do."

I almost do (CLICK THE PICTURE)

I seriously love Taylor Swift! Her songs always manage to describe what I feel! <3

Anyway, I'm still glad that we are friends. There is no regret at all. I, in fact, learn a lot from this. Learn how to be a better person. Learn to pay more attention to what I have never cared before. Learn to be more realistic and bold. And even learn how to TRUST. Well Well~ Although I am feeling down at the moment, I know that I will be fine eventually. This is me. :)

For all of you out there who has the similar situation with me, I want to say that it is okay not to be okay now. If you still want to grieve because you are addicted to that kind of sadness, then do it. Be sad. But remember that you have to and will be fine later! ;)

Thank you for reading :)

XoXo,
JyuniLie